Identifying Negative Thoughts: The First Step to Happiness

What are Negative Thoughts

Thought Bugs®

In computer programming, a software bug is a piece of code that does not work as intended. Similarly, there are human thought patterns that we all have that do not give us the intended result of happiness. I call them Negative-Thought Bugs. Thoughts shape our life. Most people know that anger creates negative energy. There are many other negative thoughts in addition to anger. If you want to get over your negative energy, the first thing to do is identifying different Thought Bugs. I will put them into three types based on how they impact your happiness.

Hard Happiness-Killers

Anger and Worry negative thoughts kill your happiness quickly, and you can identify them easily. The most common problem is that people look at hard happiness-killer negative thoughts and try to address them without knowing their root cause. Usually, anger and worry are a result of another Thought Bug. That is the key to understand when you are facing anger or worry negative thoughts. Look for the root cause negative thought. For example, it could be a judgement (Judgmental Thought Bug), someone did not meet your expectation (Expectation Thought Bug) or fear caused by future uncertainty (Fear Thought Bug). As soon as you figure out root cause, you will see a path to get over them quickly without suffering. Then you can be happier again.

Silent Happiness-Killers

Craving and Expectation Thought Bugs are very subtle. These negative thoughts appear to give you happiness but silently they set the path to take you to suffering. Once you understand this nature, you can avoid getting into this trap. Moderation is always good way to stay away from troubles cause by Silent Happiness-Killers. 

Cravings are not only about food. Cravings are strong desires that you act on for happiness. They appear to offer joy but bring failures if not managed with awareness. Cravings can become blind spots because you are getting happiness out of them. For example, people cheat for happiness, which can end in a terrible divorce, or you may live with your wife under the same roof with unhappiness towards each other. Because of Thought Bugs, people lose the great life they once had.

The Expectation Thought Bug is where you put expectations on others. In my marriage, I used to put expectations on my wife. They became the culprit of our unhappiness. Parents push expectations on their children. When things do not work out as expected, problems begin and we begin hurting each other. There are better ways to do this than putting expectations on others. We will cover more in each Thought Bug chapter.

Soft Happiness-Killers

Soft-killer Thought Bugs are those that kill your happiness softly. You may know what they are, but you do not sufficiently notice them as problems that create unhappiness and failures. They remove the power from your day-to-day life. They can drain most of your energy.

If you are in a relationship, you have disagreements at times. After disagreements, your mind tends to complain and judge. This is common in marriages because people have not understood the difference between male and female energies. Let’s say the male energy is looking at the male view with logic and trying to be responsible and right. The female energy looks at the female view, where the woman wants to be heard to ensure their opinions are respected and to achieve equality in their ideas. Then they judge each other based on opposing viewpoints, living life looking in different directions and failing to see each other. Those moments impact love and intimacy. The Anger and Judgmental Thought Bugs arrive, then the Worry Thought Bug joins in. When partners lose love and intimacy, it could lead to cheating and looking for love from outside. This could impact the whole marriage, creating a lot of negative energy.

You must understand the fundamentals of male and female energies for a healthy relationship. If you live with a partner, you have the power to create a loving and intimate relationship, irrespective of the past. Fix the fundamentals by achieving a state of awareness as a starting point. If you are looking in opposite directions and arguing in your marriage or relationship, please read the book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray.

Our minds like to have certainty in everything, but life is full of uncertainty. Fear Thought Bugs are waiting for uncertain moments to take your energy out of you. When you procrastinate on something, your Do-it-Later Thought Bug springs into action.

Thoughts Bugs are indeed bad, with Self-Limiting Thought Bugs being the worst. They are self-imposed limitations with thoughts such as I am not good enough, nobody loves me, and other self-limiting thoughts. They are programmed during your childhood. Everyone picks something from the childhood environment they were in. As adults, we should be able to recognize and overcome those self-limiting negative thoughts. Otherwise, you will live the course of your life without knowing what programs are slowing you down. The Self-Limiting Thought Bug chapter will teach you how to recognize and overcome them systematically.

Life Challenges

In life we have good periods and challenging periods. That is the duality of life that no one can avoid. During life challenges, negative thoughts will come to your mind. If you are aware of them, you stop going into suffering and preserve your energy to solve the challenge.

What you can do now is have a strong and resilient mind to face them. If you are already in a life challenge, start climbing Happiness Mountain and you fill find your peace of mind again.

Here are some examples of life challenges that could impact your happiness at some point in life:

• Relationship breakups

• Living in an unhappy relationship under the same roof

• Not having a relationship

• Divorce

• Raising kids in collaboration (or not) with your ex-partner

• Health challenges

• Getting old and uncertainty around old age

• Unhappiness with your work

• Losing the job, or fear of losing it

• Financial hardships, or fear of financial hardship

• Natural disasters, such as pandemics, floods, fire

• Worrying about the future, such as retirement or children’s education

• Conflicts

• Confusion with spirituality and the meaning of life

• Addictions, such as drugs, alcohol, pornography, and casual sex

• Gender- or sexual-orientation-related worries

• Stress from businesses or start-ups

• Loss of loved ones

It is a superb skill if you know how to defeat negative thoughts during challenging times. Then you have more positive energy to face the challenge and build back your happy life.

How to Stop Negative Thoughts

Now you have understanding of how to spot negative thoughts, next step is to learn how to stop them.